2006-03-26 - 11:39 p.m.
So, I'm not going to admit that I was wrong about the girl at the pool hall playing good cop/bad cop. I probably will never admit that I was wrong about that, because I'll probably never find out. But, I did get shot down by said girl.
Not that I was particularly smooth in asking. I think my upper lip twitched when I asked if there was any chance of getting to know her outside of her work.
This girl made me nervous and giddy. And I mean "Girls are icky, so why do I want to spend as much time as possible with this one" nervous. I had [more] trouble [than usual] sleeping for a couple days, and most of the time I was around her I was at a loss for words. Let me say that again for those of you who know me. I was at a loss for words.
So yeah, that sucked. I can't blame her for saying no, she didn't have any idea who I was, and I didn't really give her a chance to get to know me before I walked up and blurted, verbatem "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I was wondering if there was any chance I might be able to get to know you better outside of work." (Please, ladies, don't go sending me your panties after reading that. My collection is full.)
There need to be more women who make me feel like that, so that I might be able to practice speaking to them. Because I'm going to fuck it up. Repeatedly. And I hate fucking up if I don't have any sort of faith (hah) or certainty that I'll have another chance sometime in the future. Not necessarily the same chance, but another one.
The last time I felt that giddy, I was 17. I feel like a tremendous fuck-up.
[Actually, I think it was Brandi Carlile. Do musicians count?]
I went back to the pool hall today, though, because I figured if I didn't go right back I might never go back. Don't act surprised, I already said she had me speechless, and that she was screwing with my already shitty sleep patterns.
And if it were just a "no" she gave me it would be less of a problem. She didn't say no. She just kinda sagged, and then after a couple beats said "I'm sorry" with what I took to be pity. All I can say is "Ow, my pride."
