2005-10-04 - 1:05 a.m.
But as helpful to me as that last entry may (or may not) have been, it wasn't what I'd agreed to write about, was it diary? So back to my vocabulary.
When I was a kid, as now, I wanted very much to understand what was said to me, or said near enough for me to hear. I've had to stop a couple times on writing these entries because I was trying to understand the lyrics to this Gypsy Kings cd, except I don't understand very much spanish. I caught want, and assumed it was a lovesong/fucksong, but it might very well be about Taco Bell. Or wanting to deceive foolish white people out of their money in exchange for a cd full of insults to their intelligence, sexual prowess, or perhaps speculations on their sexual preferences. Pigs, perhaps? I don't know the spanish word for pig, or pig fucker, could very well be. All I know is, I haven't heard gringo yet.
So, wanting to understand what others are saying around me (and, as you recall, wanting to know everything), I expanded my vocabulary. And I still do to this day, learning words is a habit I find hard to give up. But I've reached and passed a point where instead of just being able to understand others, I'm becoming less understandable by others. Because once you learn it's hard to not put to use. And once you start putting it to use, you learn that others don't necessarily share your passion for vocabulary, and they resent you for it. What I studied in order to bring me closer to people I've always had a peculiar distance from ends up keeping me further from most of the people around me.
The more I think about it, the more I realize I have no solution, and the less I feel like thinking about it. So, I'll settle for writing this, drinking the rest of this beer, going to take a piss, and waking up tomorrow with a hang over to commute to work with a shitload of people I'll have no interest in communicating with.
